Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'd rather be late in this world than early in the next.

   Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

   Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

   Thinks they should have Extreme Bejeweled Blitz Tournaments on the OCHO

   pop pop popsicle.. ice ice icicle.. test test oh wait..

   Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit !!!!!

   It was good to see the entire Chicagoland area come together around the Blackhawks. Watching the Cubs vs. Sox made me think... as much as it would disappoint me, I think the White Sox should leave Chicago and not come back. Its for unification.

   thinking of opening a drinking/gambling establishment and calling it Liquor Up Front, Poker in the Rear

   surviving this massive amount of "family time" by pretending they are mental patients and I'm their case manager.

   so awesome, that when I go swimming, dolphins appear.

   when a guy is sexting does he get a phoner?

   often thought that what doesn't kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.

   Where can I find what youse all is smoking in here?

   Has The Power To Make you read my status!! :D

   being burried alive...please help

   my Halo is held up by my horns

   Watching "bang for your buck" on hgtv not what I thought it was!

   The lemonade in my new McDonalds Shrek glass tastes funny!

   cleverly diguised as a responsible adult

   has been asked to change his status regarding SATC2. Apparently PETA didn't take too well at me comparing Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie to a horse. It was harsh on horses worldwide..... I am sorry......