santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..

   was surprised to find a Christmas present from last year while getting the decorations out. The kids were all excited as I opened the box. What a pity it was a dead puppy

   if good girls sit on santa's lap, do bad ones sit on his face?

   We made Gingerbread Man cookies today, and I'm still laughing. My kids were acting out Shrek with them, and one was Lord Farquad: "I'm not the monster, you are! Now tell me where are the others!" The other was the GBM: "Eat Me!" Christmas with kids = win

   Anyone know about how much Santa weighs ... I am currently setting a trap and need some info.

   Christmas is the time of year when we want our pasts forgotten and our presents remembered!

   Don't get your hopes up. Santa has about as much of a chance of bringing "Hope and Change" as a clown does.

   Dear Santa: if you ignore all my actions during weekends and all the alcohol I drank, you'll see that 6 out of 12 months I was a good boy, wich makes me 50% good...It's up to you to see the glass half empty or half full

   out spreading Christmas Cheer by streaking at sporting events.

   Santa: If you ignore my actions during weekends (& sometimes the workday) and all the Vicodin I took, you'll see that 6 out of 12 months, I was a good boy, which makes me 50% good. It's up to you- see the glass half empty or half full. Do the right thing!

   Wants Santa to bring me one of the hot girls thats on his naughty list

   wonderin if this will be the year. Santa hasn't visited me since I moved out the first time. Can't figure it out!

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? - You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit

   Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered

   Just left Walmart, to get out of there, I had to strangle 6 moms, run over 12 kids, and kick 1 grandma in a scooter. There goes my present from Santa.

   To America's welfare recipients..."your welcome for a great year and a free Christmas"...from the rest of us hard working Americans that work for hard your well being every day.  

   Dear Santa, Define Good. Love X

   looking forward to the family tradition of listening to the UK's No 1 after Xmas dinner. Can't wait to see the look on my mum's face!

   asked Santa Claus for a boyfriend this Christmas... He gave me a rain check instead... lol :)

   all alone on christmas so why not get drunk ? Beers in the fridge !