Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   busy kidnapping yard gnomes.

   Was watching Bon Jovi unplugged was how I was gonna start this update til I realized I was admitting to watching Bon Jovi Unplugged!

   to the lady smoking a cig. with the windows rolled up, kids in the back seat: need I say anymore

   would like to thank everyone in this world that has ever screwed me over! You may be proud of yourself but, all in all, it will and, it has made me the strong woman that I am today! thank you

   lame...With that mentality come here I'll give you screwed 'til you're the strongest woman ever!

   So, someone in Olympia Washington stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That sums up my day....you?

   my scientific side says "i'll believe it when I see it". my spiritual side says "i'll see it when I believe it". my drunken side says "what are we looking at?"

   This world is coming to an end.. Volcanoes, floods, earthquakes, Justin Bieber..

   must be destined to be a nomad... nobody can live with me. i'd rather be a gypsy...then, I could go around making people thinner...or dead.

   Weird... I just found a haystack on top of this needle...

   You just read this sentence while I ramble on wasting your short life for no reason at all.

   Why do you bake cookies and cook bacon

   you know you've been in a long relationship when you start retiring sex toys

   waiting for you to say something intelligent .

   asks, What can brown do for you?... Brown will whoop ur ass, just ask Rhianna or Whitney

   facebook baby,i love you,even though you suck. . . or,maybe THAT is why I love you

   Does any1 else find it wierd that in the movie "twilight new moon" there are 4 boys running around in the woods shirtless together?!

   A good friend will take you to the hospital if you fall into a coma. A great friend will draw a mustache on you on the way.

   Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.

   why should I ever stop smiling when I live in a joke world!