Funny Status Messages

   Stupid people should be made to pay for Oxygen.

   Life is a jingle as long as you are single. Once you are double you are inviting trouble.

   I hope Kate Middleton doesn't have a misscarriage or Elton John will write a song about it.

   Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.

   Medical Fact: If a women drinks two glasses of wine a day it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle she'll probably suck it as well.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your t!ts

   Paula Deen finally got a job,at Whiteys Honkeytonk,only serves white bread and crackers

   The rabbit trying to get breakfast from our garden is now under an artillery barrage from the left over bottle rockets from the Forth of July

   One time I was stranded on a kitchen island for 4 years. It was delicious.

   I just put Cheez-Wiz on a Cheez-It......... Like a Boss!

   be the person your cat thinks you are..Lol

   Very hard explaining to a 4yo how paper beats rock. None of us likes it, that's just the way it is, but we accept it and move on.

   What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It's a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!

   "Can we talk for a minute?" is code for, "I am going to ruin the next 6 hours of your life with this bad news here."

   Sorry to disturb you guys, but is this the right place to sign up for a mental breakdown?

   Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?

   The letter O is just a Q that has stopped smoking.

   Baby it's not you, it's me. But it's me because of you.

   I feel like if I wake up in a new Bugatti , I'm probably getting arrested in the near future.

   If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while!