Funny Status Messages

   Here, take my thunder. You don't have to steal it.

   Why in the heck are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?

   Black smoke rose from my toaster this morning... a new pope tart has been chosen..

   Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up lol

   According to planned parenthood we have a new Pope! Welcome Pope Smear. I personally would have voted for Pope Awheelie..

   After looking at the faces in the crowds at the Vatican City... The Catholics have now agreed to birth control...

   I thought smoking at the Vatican was prohibited 0_o clearly a violated rule with the white smoke that's coming out now :-p

   CBS announced today the Pope will be replaced by Ashton Kutcher.

   At last a new pedophile, sorry I mean Pope has been elected.

   White smoke!!! Great, now we can all go back to bashing Obama and gun control

   I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father"

   ladies, if you want a man who will stick by you through thick and thin, marry a procrastinator

   White smoke emerges from Vatican chimney, indicating either the new pope has been chosen or the chicken fajitas are ready.

   Nobody knew huh, I was temporary Pope until about an hour ago. . .

   Black smoke; no Pope has been chosen, White smoke; a Pope has been chosen, blue smoke; the pope mobile is running rich.

   I have never prayed so hard in my life that the new Pope that walks out onto that balcony is Dennis Rodman.

   We have a new Pope! I'm just waiting for Kanye West to jump out on the balcony and interrupt!

   Here comes the New Pope! Popeye The Sailor!!!

   In honor of new Pope, boys underwear half off at Walmart....

   Shoutout to God for not giving wings to spiders.