Funny Status Messages
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goto yahoo, then click "Best and worst dressed at Oscars", first pic Halle Berry, second pic Pinocchio.... 
If this van's a rockin'?,,, the front wheel must have come off the cinder block... Just knock on the trailer door, someone's usually home
How about you Harlem shake off a cliff
well the Oscars this year were dominated by the movie Pi....next year, I demand they make a movie named bacon....
My phone's broken, if you need me, message me on MySpace .
Stupid people really irritate me. I wish I could piss on some people and sprinkle some wisdom on them.
Online dating creeps me out! I'll stick with good old-fashioned prison pen-pals.
I discovered last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee in the middle of the night......Is sleeping right through them.
Dear people that still clip your phone to your belt.......stop.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping...... On a side note; Police report that there has been no progress made in an attempt to identify the "naked man" seen streaking out of the mall's wishing fountain.
Oscars - some award show for boring movies I will probably never watch even if they paid me.
Ironic that the Oscar for worst boyfriend ever went to a guy named Oscar...
Manti Teo and the 40 yard dash in 4.8 2 seconds he said he would have ran it faster if he wasn't carrying his girlfriend
To my wonderful niece; when you tell people I am the "funny uncle" could you please make sure you mention that you mean "ha ha" funny and not "(⊙_⊙)" funny...people are starting to give me the stink eye. :-/
Off to IKEA to shop, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse...
I bought a dishwasher from a guy in Croydon off e-Bay, now I have a 14 yr old girl with a speech impediment, eating all of my mustard.
To stay competitive with Burger King and Ikea, Subway announces the new $5 Furlong...
Facebook, cos nothing reassures yourself more than seeing how the other half live
IKEA has the BEST horse d'oeuvres.
Don't forget Comic Relief this year. Just £5 can help a disabled African learn the difference between an intruder and his f**king girlfriend 