santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Christmas is not about what your home looks like, it's about love and sharing.

   i have 2 sisters,one 14 and the other 6. the 14 year old was arguing with the 6 year old and said" SANTA ISN'T REAL!" without blinking,the 6 year old said"neither is edward cullen!" I don't wanna be mean so i'll say this,one ran away crying.

   The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.

   Remember Christmas is a time for giving, so give generously, I accept credit cards, checks and cash.

   Just bought an artificial Christmas tree and the clerk asks me, will you be putting this up yourself? NO YOU SICK BASTARD!! I'm putting it up in my living room!

   Santa has been cleared to enter US airspace. But he will be subject to strip searches by TSA. Since elderly people rarely file lawsuits.

   A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother

   I'm out of Christmas wrapping paper? So I've simply converted birthday wrapping paper by adding "Jesus" after "Happy Birthday" in biro.

   Life would be much easier if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

   Thank god I have Facebook to know that Christmas Eve is tomorrow and that people are going Christmas shopping and that Christmas is Sunday.

   There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.

   santa has to be the greatest criminal ever...a million cases of breaking & entering...the police everywhere know where he lives but he knows how to buy everyone of them off with gifts

   Why no one ever pick Santa, or elves, or reindeers as a school's mascot? "Let's go Santa, Let's GO!"

   Dec 24th , Christmas Eve , the most exciting day of the year no matter how old you are .......

   As a kid, did you ever see Santa claw himself down the chimney and make fun of your pyjamas? My shrink claims it never happened!

   Christmas and St. Paddy's Day are the busy season for midgets.

   I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I am everyone's great big bag of weed when they come home for the holidays.

   Christmas Eve. As we they in San Francisco: May the corpulent bearded homo sapien in the scarlet suit smile upon your chosen shrubbery.