Funny Status Messages

   Driving down the road and I see a sign that says "Speed Inforced By Aircraft" So I went a little faster....how cool would it be to get pulled over by a plane?

   Bored? Send a text message to a random number saying: "Im Pregnant

   I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career.

   Well, with no shave November, Halo 4 and Black Ops 2 this month, I'm predicting teen pregnancy will be at an all time low

   Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers

   To me, drink responsibly means don't f?cking spill it

   Black chicks always saying a white girl is "trying to act black." Meanwhile, they have blonde weave and sky blue contacts.

   Life is way too short to have matching socks.

   Nothing says regret like the email address you made as a kid

   Some mornings it's best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck

   I don't like using public restrooms,,,, Mostly because I've seen the public.

   A Model you say?...More like a photogenic slut...

   Too bad Norman Rockwell isn't around today to paint scenes of people looking down at their smartphones.

   Girls dont dress for boys, they dress for themselves. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked all the time

   I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

   Don't you wish some damn people could be like money, so you could hold them up to the sun and see which ones are fake and who are real.

   Three things cannot be long hidden …… The sun, The moon and The truth.

   Girl: I wasn't that drunk. Guy: You put your iPhone in the blender trying to make apple juice.

   I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday

   There are only two kinds of people in this world: Doctors and Patients