Funny Status Messages
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*ATTENTION* I have a copy of tomorrows newspaper complete with sports scores, police blotters, and other interesting facts!.. I'm selling this for $352.83 a true bargain!! I can deliver the newspaper anytime tomorrow after 9:00 am 
That very very sad moment when you bite into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it's really just a cleverly disguised oatmeal raisin cookie.
Since this is an "S" storm, I think they should have named it Hurricane Snookie since it will be slamming and blowing the entire Jersey Shore
I hope Sandy doesn't blow all the dirt off the top of New Jersey's landfills...I mean mountains!!
No one can text faster than a pissed off woman
why are all these wicked and crazy storms named after women?
Like if you're on the East Coast!
Who names these hurricanes? I don't want to die in a hurricane named sandy, I wanna be wiped out by the cyclone of doom, the hurricane of pain or even the population ripper but please god, not sandy!
Like if you knew Mitt Romney moved to France to skip the Vietnam draft. Flipper/Dodger.
thankful Sandy decided to help out with the yardwork and blow my leaf piles down the road!
New York on terror alert as Al Qaeda threaten to crash submarines into the Empire State Building.
New Yorkers could probably bail that water out a lot faster if they weren't limited to using 16 oz cups,,,, huh Bloomberg??
BREAKING: FEMA and National Weather Service to plug the eye of Hurricane Sandy by dropping Chris Christie into it to save New Jersey.
strong winds on the east coast....not Hurricane Sandy...its just congress in Washingoton DC blowing air out their mouths
New Yorkers could probably bail that water out a lot faster if they weren't limited to using 16 oz cups huh Bloomberg? BABOOM! *drops micc
Why did cave men drag women around by their hair? Cuz if they dragged them by their feet they would feel up with sand.
If you see a prisoner or a married man asleep, do not wake him perhaps he is dreaming of freedom.
I get ignored by women so much that they call me "Terms And Conditions".
Stop undressing me with your eyes...use your teeth
it's ok if you disagree with me, I can't force you to be right. 