Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 333 of 6399
Get away from me! What am i? Flypaper for freaks?
i would punch you in the face. But you Don't even deserve that
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03-31-2010 03:52 by nadzaaaaa
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wonders why who jog regularly cannot get through the day without telling someone how far they ran? Notice they have to sneak it into the conversation or they'll burst
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03-31-2010 03:54
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If only I had alzheimer's , then I too could join the easter egg hunt. :(
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03-31-2010 05:57
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Don't you just hate how some ppl get all crazy over a movie???? Like they think there is real life vampires out there who just stay up all night watching you sleep
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03-31-2010 06:58
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Lindt have just released the CHOCOLATE COATED TAMPON..... (but only for the EASTER PERIOD)
ur mama is so poor she runs after a garbage truck with shopping list
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03-31-2010 08:58 by u
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Channel 5 just showed a graph of the "Top 5 Wettest Months", but surprisingly, the month 'New Moon' came out was not on the list.
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03-31-2010 09:15
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I'm what you might call an "incurable romantic". Although that's not the term they use at the Free Clinic.
It said in the paper 'Sex pest wanted by Police', I rang up to see what the hours were
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03-31-2010 10:37 by Eddie
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Yes I know that "IMHO" means "In my humble opinion." In my humble opinion you are calling yourself a ho every time I read it.
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03-31-2010 10:45 by Randizzle
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Those 7 dwarfs mine 100 karat diamonds all day and still live in a $hitty little cottage. What the hell are they saving up for?
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03-31-2010 10:48 by Randizzle
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I wonder if tennis ballboys brag about their "gets" to each other. "You see that? I grabbed the $hit out of that ball! School's in session, boys. I am lightning!"
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03-31-2010 10:49 by Randizzle
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I'm always caught a little off guard when an airport security checkpoint worker shows symptoms of having a personality.
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03-31-2010 10:52 by Randizzle
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At the end of each work day, I have a strong urge to sidekick the elevator down button, suppressed only by my desire to maintain employment
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03-31-2010 10:53 by Randizzle
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The bad news is that Tiger Woods and Jesse James admit to being sex addicts. The good news is that there's a club for that called The Rest of the World. They meet daily with other people with unique problems like "I work too hard for not enough money."
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03-31-2010 12:13
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Inefficiency: Getting a letter in the mail saying a census is coming next week, then a census form a week later, then a postcard a week later saying a census came a week earlier.
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03-31-2010 12:15 by Shamus
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Went to see Hot Tub Time Machine... turned out to be raunchy, simple-minded, sophomoric, crude, brainless, poorly executed slapstick. Yep, it was right in my wheelhouse.
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03-31-2010 12:16 by Shamus
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Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna' be a great day.
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03-31-2010 12:17 by Shamus
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"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure"
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03-31-2010 12:32 by pelon
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