Funny Status Messages

   To me, both Presidential candidates seem kinda limp. I think the United States may be suffering from electile dysfunction ツ

   I wish I had a biker chick for my woman. Skinny legs, big b00bs, pot belly, and a face like Popeye.

   I'll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar.

   I'll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar.

   Shooting has started on a sequel to the movie Superman "Man of steel" to be titled "Balls of Steel" staring Felix Baumgartner

   My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel....

   Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I've only missed one day

   I ask a friend why he left his girlfriend. He said "I'm gay, plus in the end is the way I like it."

   STOP BULLYING... or I'm gonna kick your ass! ツ

   What is the fascination with space jumper, Felix Baumgartner's balls?

   turkey bacon is as worthless as soft core porn...

   Walmart employees suck at pairing wine coolers and cheese...

   Women, give them an inch and they'll want all eight.

   anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower??

   Since when is driving and break dancing a crime, officer? I thought it was common practice to do the Coindrop as you approach a toll booth.

   Maybe you're beautiful, or maybe he's horny.

   It's really only a matter of time before Lady Gaga gets Justin Beiber pregnant.

   I think the real you is way more beautiful than that other you.

   I have no problem with cesarean scars because ultra tight v@gina.

   People love you if you can take them out of their comfort zone, comfortably.