life Funny Status Messages

   Happy wife.. Happy life!

   There comes a time in life when all you can do is just slap the b*tch!

   If I haven't done something you asked me to do and I say it's because life has "been crazy", it really means I've just been lazy.

   Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks.

   The day I confuse the Google search box with my Facebook status update box will be a tragic, life changing and possibly fatal one.

   Destiny may decide who touches your Life ~ Your heart may decide who touches your Soul ~ But...Tequila decides who touches your body

   I Would Never Be With Someone Just Because They Were Financially Stable. I Would Rather Live In A Trash Can With The Love Of My Life, Than To Live In A Mansion With Someone That Activates My Gag Reflexes.

   Do more than belong.. Participate! Do more than care.. Help! Do more than believe.. Trust! Do more than be fair.. Be kind! Do more than forgive.. Forget! Do more than dream.. Work! Life keeps going, be part of it.. =)

   Do more than belong.. Participate! Do more than care.. Help! Do more than believe.. Trust! Do more than be fair.. Be kind! Do more than forgive.. Forget! Do more than dream.. Work! Life keeps going, be part of it..

   Hope that your Life is long and useful, Like a roll of toilet paper.

   our life should be like a COMPUTER so we can maintain it by keeping only useful files n delete or format the corrupted files

   because I have a life. because its been proven that facebook is time consuming and useless. I have to log off............. I'll be back in 30 min.

   Why does it seem like I need a machete, a jack hammer, and Jaws of life nearby everytime I need to remove a childs toy from it's packaging

   It's too bad you don't get any sexual satisfaction out of being screwed over all the time. I would be set for life!!!

   And the Lord said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life..." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

   3 girls I graduated with got engaged yesterday! I, on the other hand, was engaged in knitting in my snuggie while watching "It's a Wonderful Life" for about the hundredth time, and playing Robot Unicorn Attack. Thinking maybe I should get out more....

   If Facebook and porn were made illegal, it would free up a good 10 hours of my life every day

   I can't recall one time in my entire life that I've answered a phone call from a "restricted" number and then said, "Wow, I'm glad I answered that"

   Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.

   High on life and also a tiny bit of paint.