Funny Status Messages

   Kim Kardashian settles lawsuit with Old Navy over stealing her likeness; also settles with The Gap over stealing her nickname.

   I swear girls can be so ungrateful sometimes, I made her breakfast in bed, and instead of saying "Thank you", she's all like... "How the hell did you get into my house?!?!"

   Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they're absolutely right because smart men don't get married.

   Some of you people would be better off on a site called TwoFacedBook instead.

   Wear jeans every day and nobody cares. Wear a shirt twice in a row and you're suddenly homeless in the eyes of everyone.

   I used to work at the post office, I told people I was a mail escorts...

   If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely

   Google should change it's name to "Skynet".

   Did you know that you gotta fight for your right to party?

   MTV has announced the cancellation of the show "Jersey Shore." Please join me in a moment of silence. OK, that was too long.

   When I married miss right, I didn't know her name would change to Mrs Always Right.

   If I didnt have to pay any taxes id be rich too.

   : The average man can't tell if a woman is about to give him a kiss or a slap in his face.

   Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you.

   If there was an accepted currency worldwide, it would be Beer.

   Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is like calling me a doctor, because I own Band-aids.

   A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a tiger wood...

   Son: Dad, why'd you name me Achilles? He's from greek mythology. Dad: Well son, you broke through the trojan wall.

   Dear 'K", Thanks for being there for me when times get awkward. Sincerely, Got nothing to say.

   Apparently the “stop” button on Internet Explorer means “stop and also show me a blank useless screen regardless of what is visible when I press this button”