Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pamela Anderson looked so confused on Dancing With The Stars. I don't beleive she has ever danced without a pole before.

   Would Like To Know Where He Can Purchase A GPS For His Life Journey, I Made A Wrong Turn And Can't Get Back On The Damn Highway!

   Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?

   I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that, cuz I'm modest.

   Facebook is the only place where its acceptable to talk to a wall

   not to happy with our Goverment and thinks there is some truth to the quote " What Lions they are Lead by such Lambs"

   •If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

   those acorns in my bag shrink when it gets cold.

   I'm fed up of people challenging my ethics and saying I don't do enough to better the world. Even my coat is recycled, It used to be a leopard

   would like to sublease his FB wall. He's still trying to find a way to make money here.

   "So this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause..." - Star Wars Episode III

   thinks it's funny how a self - examination for testicular cancer easily turns in to masturbation

   Somehow, my inner beauty's not increasing my confidence when I'm walking into the sauna.

   giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to ted kennedy

   Sometimes I think I'm a genius. Then I realize I've already seen this episode of Jeopardy.

   hopes Rush Limbaugh remembers to squeeze his fat a*s aboard Oxycontin Airlines and leave the country like he promised, now that health care legislation has been signed into law.

   wonders if retail stores in Afghanistan have a hard time taking inventory because of the tally ban.

   Tomorrow, I'm gonna write a blog post about procrastination.

   A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky. The woman already knows.

   why is it whenur watchin a movie and some one says"dude did you see that" no I payed $6.00 to sit and watch the floor