Funny Status Messages

   Voicemail should be renamed “messages from people over 40″

   British accent: Justin Biebah. American: Justin Biebur. Australian: Jastin Beybah. You just tried out all of the accents, didnt you?

   I cant stand when people say a babies age in months after a year old. "Yeah he's 29 months old", B$tch don't make me do math.

   Myspace: Died a couple of years ago. Facebook: In the hospital. Twitter: At the strip club throwing ones at the big booty bit$hes.

   11 year olds today: "Omg I love smokin pot. I get like so drunk. Yolo!" Me when I was 11: "I can't wait to go home and play Club Penguin!

   If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, she's a slut. If a guy does it, he's gay, definitely gay.

   The people in horror movies would live a lot longer if they listened to me in the audience.

   there such a thing as a bad friday?

   I violently vomit when I see anonymoys F-tards that wanna be little kids and insult someone they don't even know. Don't be a puss!

   Not ALL of B EGO's shtuff is funny, but I've seen quite a few good ones from him. We all bomb once in a while. :)

   And on the day that Pooh found out bacon tasted better than honey, we all knew Piglet's days were numbered.

   I swear people who like temperatures in the 90s don't actually work for a living.

   Are you gonna eat that... or just take pictures?

   I violently vomit and get overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts whenever I read B EGO's sentimental crap.

   Single bells, single bells,single all the way oh what fun it is to see couples fight all day hey!

   I do declare douchebaggery and shenanigans! Happy F-Off Friday

   Helpful hint: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.

   When he was my age, my father had three kids, owned two businesses and a house. I can't even pull that off in 'The Sims'.

   My mother-in-law has to work for "Tips",,,,,,,,,, Yeah,, You see, Nobody will put the whole thing in....

   I could really, really use some shenanigans.