life Funny Status Messages
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In the game of Life, everybody is bald and rides with the top down. 
The day I confuse the Google search box with my Facebook status update box will be a tragic, life changing and possibly fatal one.
Would you rather win a hundred billion dollars today and get paralyzed tomorrow or just get life in jail with a man rapist? Up for the money.... Down for jail....
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Dear Tom Cruise: Life is what you make of it. Not what you make believe of it
Life is too short to care about being skinny. I LOVE FOOD. Plus, there's plenty of time to be skinny when I'm dead.:-)
"I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." ~ Nathan Hale
has no doubt that there's a place in every woman's life for a red thong, but that place is not five inches above the waistline of her jeans. Ever.
Video game truths: anyone with a lower score than me is a loser and anyone with a higher score is a loser with no life!
I live every day of my life as if it's my last. Basically I just leap in slow motion away from things which aren't exploding... Repeatedly.
The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons
A man basically goes through three phases in his life... He believes in Santa Claus...He doesn't believe in Santa Claus...He is Santa Claus.
Oh how that evil ball of hydrogen and helium punishes me on the way home from work with its larger than life flaming brilliance.
life is better when you decide you dont care
floating in a life boat after getting thrown off the ship over a misunderstanding over what the poop deck actually was!
"If my life had a face.............I would PUNCH it!!"-Greg Thomas
My life coach just benched me.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.
expecting life to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you're a vegetarian. [Search Results] [View All Messages]
