santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign that says, "Help, need ride."

   To all the merchants trying to make a buck off of Christmas...Go elf yourself!

   Ho, Ho, Ho!" - Santa Claus doing a naughty girl head count.

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of da road I'm going to leave & come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign says, "Help, need ride"

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop.

   If an old man stuffs you in a bag don't worry, I asked for you for Christmas. Oh he threw you in a van, not a sleigh? Yeah, you're screwed.

   Bad News: On a test run last night, Santa was sucked into the engine of a Russian military jet & turned into red mist.

   Supreme Court rules no Nativity scene in DC!!! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States Capital this Christmas season.

   At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking.

   gonna buy a real tree sometime this week, hope it doesnt end up like amy winehouse, dead...5' 6 and surrounded by needles by christmas...

   Mariah Carey grew to hate Christmas. After she recorded all I want for Christmas is you, she only gets a house full of relatives now.

   dear santa, I found the shoes I want, text me for my size

   The ads on the right-hand side of my screen are for Meth awareness, 'Get Yourtself Tested' & buy or lease a Jaguar this Christmas...So, Facebook has catagorized me as a disease-infested, drug-loving sl*t that needs a car & dosn't care for the environment.

   The ads on the right-hand side of my screen are for Meth-awareness, 'Get Yourself Tested' & Buy or lease a new Hummer this Christmas...Great so, Facebook has catagorized me as a disease-infested, drug-loving slut that dosen't care about the environment???

   All I want for Christmas is you...hit by a bus!

   Dear Santa, I didn't want to make it too hard for you this year, so, the only thing on my list this year is 1 year paid leave from work. with bonus

   That scene in Boogie Nights when Julianne Moore says "C*m on my t!ts, if you can, OK?" epitomizes what the holidays are like with my family.

   If you wake up with a weird taste in your mouth on Chrismas morning, just remember that Santa only comes once a year...

   Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is SethMacFarlane and his Evil Genius.....and an Occupy Wall St. Family Guy!

   Birthdays then- 'Wow! Look at all these presents!' ... Birthdays now- 'Wow! Look at all these notifications!'