Funny Status Messages
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an uneasy feeling drinking from the water fountain by the bathrooms while someone flushes the toilet. 
I wonder if Oriental ppl make the "Smiley faces" like this ☞ |-)
well at least the jets have god on their side now.
Live today like it's your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't.
Just read that Bill Belichick talked to the Red Sox today. Topic must have been: How to lose to New York.
scrubbing the barnacles off a bum so my daughter has a date to the prom....being fat aint easy
Definition of anxiety: half of the time you're worried about the other half of the time.
Do you know who has a bad sense of direction? This guy. =======>
A Hitler 'stache aint cool bro, esp when its just your nose hairs
I know it's warm outside and spring is in the air BUT if you haven't worked out this winter, please don't dress like it. I see ladies walking around with half shirts looking like half opened cans of biscuits.
Good news is,, I got the giraffe to fit in the catapult.. Now who wants to light it on fire?
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
"Undecided Voters" are the same people who also slow down the line at McDonald's.
When my chatty mom trails me around the store, I fill my cart with condoms, KY, duct tape, rubber gloves, and tequila, singing "Whip It".
Facebook is like the fridge...you go and open the fridge for something to eat, nothing looks good. Then five minutes later go back hoping somethings changed...
Come on PEOPLE!!! Romney DOES not use an Etch-A-Sketch... He "thinks" it's a computer.
Why don't chickens wear underwear? 'cause their peckers on their head!
If only mosquitos sucked fat instead of blood.
Any time you hear someone say, "Bless his heart, but" you know the next thing out of their mouth will be negative.ive.
Has anyone seen my jacket? It's white with huge sleeves that make you hug yourself with a cute belt. 