life Funny Status Messages

   Based on my life circumstances, I better be a rockstar in my next life.

   : Jesus says to John, "Come forth and I shall give you eternal life"....John came in fifth...He won a toaster.

   Life isn't fair. Especially when I'm involved.

   What's the difference between complete and finished? When you have a beautiful girlfriend your life is complete, your wife finds out about it you're finished.

   insert your current location, relationship problems, results of last doctors visit, what you had for lunch, how much you hate working on certain days of the week, and any other trivial details of your life here _______________________

   Life lesson # 1,987- the Time I filled out an app for a job at the day care, and under "related skills" I put - Teaching kids how to make stick ppl out of tampons".. Ya, Mngmnt dont like that!!!! - just saying!!

   It's impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.

   One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a shower. We're not sure if he's life-guarding or just amazed about how brave we are.

   The trick is not how much pain you feel - but how much joy you feel... Any idiot can feel pain... Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses...

   Live your life and forget your age...

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons.

   Why when I go into a gym all the big girls look at me and think why is she here.... I look at them and think "Im glad I'm here now," maybe you should have been in here earlier in life and you'd be on my side...

   would like to live the life of a Bachelorette.. you know, date multiple guys and have them all be OK with it.. :0/

   Random thought: Ed Hardy shirts are the new sweatpants; wearing them in public means you've given up on life.

   Cause I gave up smokin', Women and drinkin' last night And it was the worst 15 minutes of my life

   thinks it's ironic that the man that brought the Segway to life was brought to death by his invention.

   U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown!

   Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

   Not the time to lose one's head. That's not the way to get ahead in life. It's a shame you arent't more headstrong. You'll never be the head of a major corporation.

   Stay strong; the best things in life are worth fighting for.