friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   My wife is out of town for the weekend... I've already slid across the floor in my socks and underwear...... Now what?

   heard someone say there is a .45 cent concert going to be held this weekend on national tv...it will be 50 cent, featuring Nickleback.....

   Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.

   Tell her you love her hair, her eyes, the way she wrinkles her nose...and get laid this weekend.

   I see the grade schoolers are here for the long weekend with the childish "jokes"

   After a long weekend without your phone, you learn what's really important in life. Your phone.

   Can Travelocity help me find a vacant womb for the weekend?

   Friday is the beginning of my liver's workweek.

   hope the USA lands another toy car on a planet this weekend to cover up the humilating 6th place in the Paralympics

   I can't wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend

   Another weekend.. another opportunity to ruin a woman for all other men who may follow in her life.

   I can't wait until next weekend's episode of the best reality show on tv... So You Think You Can Ref...

   Thursday doesn't even count as a day, it's just the thing that's blocking friday.

   I'd like to be so rich I forgot what country I left my private jet at after a crazy weekend

   Going to the mall this weekend and trying on extra small shirts so I can remember what it feels like to be hugged

   You're weird, sarcastic, narcisistic, rude and seem like a witch. My only question is, Are free for a date next weekend?

   If I rule the world first thing I'll do is add a extra day into the weekend right after Saturday.. It will be called Matterday... It won't matter what you do that day

   Its Friday, Anything worth doing is worth doing weird.

   The week has seven days: Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday, Friday, Saturday and preMonday.

   Had a most interesting conversation this weekend with Jet Li and Conan O'Brian during a private flight back from Morocco about how pathetic it is when average people get on Facebook & pretend that their lives are far more exciting than they actually are.