Funny Status Messages

   The key to a womens heart is... giving her all of yours! <3

   Twenty two seconds ago I wanted to punch you in the face...stupid commercial.

   SpaghettiOs ® amazing.

   Whenever someone says, "I dont drink alcohol" all I hear is, "I am boing"

   "An idea whose time has come cannot be stopped by any army or any government." - Ron Paul

   I've always pronounced duct tape as duck tape.

   Apparently one in ten people in the UK live next to a paedophile. Not me, I live next to two gorgeous 13 year olds

   When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage lightbulbs.

   I instantly smile when I see a text from you, I don't care what's in it. It's amazing to know I crossed your mind even just for a second.

   I see ole' Beverly Perdue is packing her Government bags and headed back to her husband Frank's Chicken farm! "Pluck them feathers woman!" heehee

   Yo momma is so buff, I let her dry my car off.And may I add; her work ethic is impeccable!

   If You need me, I'll call You.

   I have a suspicious package.

   I wonder if Ronald McDonald sadistically cackles as he bludgeons innocent chickens and uses clown magic to turn them into nuggets.

   I bet girls on facebook with the duck faces look for men that make a lot of bread.

   Taco Bell is human Drano

   I'm watching this dude walk down the street dressed as a woman, pushing a pitbull in a baby stroller. Either he's on drugs or I am.

   Mr. Kotter, Please excuse Juan from class today because he is dead. Signed: Epstein's Mom. R.I.P. Robert Hedges.

   Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

   Dear Modern Warfare 3, Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity. Sincerely, Parents Everywhere