Funny Status Messages

   I got 99 problems but the clap aint one

   My friend asked me today what the name of the show is where they go fishing and catch all the crabs..I said "Jersey Shore"...Was I wrong?

   I love this global warming! Who cares if my Grand kids won't get to see a Polar bear. I didn't get to see a dinosaur, & I turned out ok. At least the melting ice caps will cover Jersey Shore with water, so they won't have to see that either.

   "Meet local singles here." No thanks randomly placed ad. I know local singles and there is a reason they are in fact single!

   Its a dog, not an accessory! Get that poor thing outta your purse lady!!

   What can I say ... I'm The Guy that Adele is singing about !

   Just once I would like to see some creativity and have a meeting done with interpretive dance instead of powerpoint

   Now wait a minute, y'all This status ain't for everybody?"Only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers, get on out there and “Like” “Like”, I said!"

   90% Of men have no taste or standards they just wanna get laid.

   I bet Adele sweats gravy.

   You're not an alcoholic; you're a soberphobic.

   Hey Clay Aiken, Rocky Dennis called. He wants his face back.

   My wife just said shes going to live in Estonia for 15 months! PARTY AT MY PLACE!!!

   My wife and my girlfriend both said on their status that they are going to go live in Brazil for a few months. Is there something I should know about???????

   Silence is the best answer to a stupid question.

   Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.

   A true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, the most dangerous plaything.

   WOMAM: OMG! Baby I'm pregnant!! What would you want it to be?? MAN: a god damn joke!

   Taco Bell put Fritos in a burrito. See, you can eat healthy at a fast food place.

   Is it just me or do those red foil wrapped Hershey's kisses taste almost identical to the silver foil Hershey's kisses? I'll keep testing.