Funny Status Messages

   #MANRULE!!! No man should moan during sex no matter how good it feels...

   Guys, be sensitive. Fat people have feelings too. Usually hunger, shortness of breath, insecurity and itchiness in unreachable places

   #MANRULE men should NEVER ask "who's is it?"

   Advancements in phone technology are making it really difficult for me to make new excuses as to why I am ignoring them.

   Instead of a wallet, I always keep my money in an envelope that says "For the orphans" so people will feel terrible if I'm ever murdered.

   Faithful on your wall, but cheating in their FB inbox.

   I can't believe Lou Gehrig's parents named him after a DISEASE

   Whenever I have a dream about someone, It's always awkward seeing them the next day.

   Every girl I bring home is unemployed, drunk and on drugs. I'm starting to think that whole "opposites attract" thing is bullsh$t

   It's SO ADORABLE when my kid's fish sleeps upside down. Because that's what it's doing. Sleeping upside down. At least until I go to Petco.

   Who wants to go to walmart and show off our teeth?

   If Its Not on the first Search Page of Google, It doesn't Exist .

   No man should own a pair of the ankle socks with the cotton back on the back of them

   Mustaches are just wings for your nose

   I took up for you today, someone told me that you eat sh!t sandwiches. I said they was wrong because you dont eat bread.

   Being single sucks.....especially when all 3 of your roommates date moaners...

   Q. What's the differance between a French girl and a sea lion? A. One has a mustaches and stinks of fish and the other live's in the sea.

   Your mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks at a map she can see people waving.

   Women go shopping at the mall, Men go shopping on Facebook.

   Some people say I'm random. But who cares, chocolate is amazing.