Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Those saying what a great guy Jovan Belcher was seem to overlook he just killed his baby's mother!!

   I'm the one your mother warned you about......to never let me be the one that got away.

   My mother always said "if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all." I hope she's happy my mime career has taken off.

   I'm taking my family to see the Nutcracker on Saturday. Of course I'm talking about my mother-in-law, not the show.

   There are 3 types of females in this world. There are ladies you introduce to your mother, there are women you introduce to your friends and there are girls you show the door to

   My wife's mother was here for Xmas dinner. My youngest says to me, "Hey Dad! When are you gonna do that trick?!?" "I said, "Do what trick?" He goes, "You know. You said if granny comes for Christmas you'd climb the walls!"

   Mother: Clean your room, family is coming over. Me: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize the gathering would be held in my bedroom.

   A pregnant Khadarshian is the last thing the world need right now, let alone pregnant by Kanye West. Reminds me of that reproducing mother Alien in he Aliens movie.

   Some mistakes only a mother can love.

   Roses are red violets are blue, porn hub is down. So your mother's Facebook will do

   I would of had a better comeback but I left the come back in your mother

   Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam’s mother cooked.

   My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.

   The worst part about watching porn on your smart phone is getting interrupted by texts from your mother...

   Every call from my mother is a judgment call.

   You fell sad because you didn't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day? Some people don't have a mom on Mother's Day or a dad on Father's Day so shut up.

   In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us

   I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there's an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.

   My mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.

   Dear Axe Bodyspray, Please create a new bottle that allows only one spary every 24 hours. Thank you for your consideration. Signed, Mother of a ten year old boy