Funny Status Messages

   Why cant Govts, like husbands and boyfriends, simply say sorry and defuse a crisis before it goes out of hand???

   I throw Justin Bieber at the wall sometimes, saying AYO...I missed the window...

   noticed it's very difficult these days to find something on television that doesn't have to do with cake! :/

   Guy's Remember : While You're Sitting There All Day Playing Call Of Duty , Your Girl Is Calling Someone Else To Come And Do Your Duty .

   You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Sincerely, banana

   Officer, I'm not Fred Flintstone, I didn't "run" a red light, I drove through it.

   Whenever I see a really hot girl I know is out of my league, I just console myself by thinking to myself 'Some guy somewhere is probably tired of her sh*t'

   I chose not to drive the Lambo today.... because I don't own one

   I don't know why I should learn Algebra. I'm never likely to go there.

   Rick Perry should start campaigning in one of those giant foam cowboy hats.

   Ironman is a super hero. Iron woman is a command.

   I think those who are leading our nation should wear shock collars!

   The most powerful microscope can see the diameter of a hydrogen atom. If you look through that you still couldn't see how little I care about your drama

   When all else fails, just slap yourself in the face.

   I'm so exhausted from work that I actually tried to use "The Force" to get the remote to come to me. When it didn't work I used the old Jedi Mind Trick sayin "These arent the droids your looking for give me the remote". My son did while rollin his eyes.

   would like to point out that playing violent video games never did me any harm (not so sure about those people buried under the deck, though)

   If she's in love with Justin Beiner, she's too young for you bro!

   Go ask a little kid what a VCR is. I dare you

   I love it when a fat person says, "That's the way I roll."

   Autocorrect can kiss my ask!