Funny Status Messages

   Dear Guys Named "Rhys" --Please tell us how it's pronounced already, or prepare to be known as "Buddy"

   Brooklyn Decker is either an ungodly hot supermodel, or a delicious, multi-tiered sandwich. You can't lose with a Brooklyn Decker.

   Have you guys ever heard of the "SNUGGIE"? Well in fact, the Original "SNUGGIE" is from Mexico, it's called "The Pancho"

   I'm so sick of hearing about the rapture... Shut up already, if it happens we'll have all eternity to talk about it in he'll.

   Nuts on a wall: Walnuts. Nuts on a chest: Chesnuts. Nuts on a Chin: BJ

   If you actually believe in this Doomsday & Rapture nonsense...Please gracefully delete yourself from my friend's list...Coz I am allergic to retards and idiots.

   Rapture "I'm going out the way I came in, without pants.

   Arnold Schwarzenegger should have lived by one of the ten commandments of politics: Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff.

   that if you asked me, at one time I would have given you the world...Now, you ask for anything, I'll bend over and give you the f**kin moon!

   the world is ending Saturday??? Oh well this is bogus, it was supposed to be December 21, 2012?

   I bet those people that mow their lawns just after it rains are the same people that wash their car just before it rains.

   Dear God, If the world is going to end on Saturday, please accept my request for forgiveness for what I am about to do on Friday. Sincerely, Your Number One Fan

   We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, for example: "I'm bored, lets go brush your teeth!"

   To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.

   That awkward moment when you get hung up on and you continue the conversation alone to attemp to fool the other people in the room..

   Apparently Imogen Thomas is struggling to launch her pop career. She's been unable to announce any Giggs.

   Be careful on how you pronounce "Schwarzenegger." You may upset some black people around you

   ahhh where the hell is spring? if you see her around tell her to come see me immediately

   they search for years and spend millions of dollars looking for Osama, and where was he? At home hiding behind his wife!

   to the guy above this.. I'm talking about the world ending..