Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   I have 2 missed calls from my mother. I think it's safe to say that by now there's a rescue team out there looking for me.

   Its a sad day. Signed, Epstein's Mother

   Dear Mr. Kotter, Juan was unable to complete his homework because he had to take me to the Doctor for my lumbago. Signed, Epstein's Mother RIP Robert Hegyes

   By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks shes wrong.

   Once, while camping, my Mother in Law stumbled upon two ferocious Black Bears.....the bears immediately played dead..... until she left

   You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up

   just asked my son - where would you be without your mother? His answer: "Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger."

   The temps here (Orlando, FL) were in the low 30s three days ago. Today, the highs are supposed to hit the mid 80s. At exactly what point in time was Mother Nature replaced by The Three Stooges?

   The story of “how I met your father” is shorter than “how I met your mother.

   cut through an adult gift store parking lot to avoid a traffic light, my neighbor only saw me pulling out with my mother. :/

   Son: Where did I come from daddy? Dad: Your Mother Son: Where did she come from? Dad: THE DEPTHS OF HELL!!!!!

   If you wouldn't make her your wife.. Don't make her a mother!

   Nothing like finding your credit card in your 3 year olds play wallet, like mother, like daughter... Just shoot me now!!.

   Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.

   Headline: 42-year old, mother of two, Jennifer Lopez is now dating a 24-year old backup dancer! Yeah I always knew she wanted three kids.

   My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.

   My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i'm good at being drunk!

   Oh you got your middle finger up in your profile pic? You mother must be really proud of a job well done raising you.

   Taking my Mother-in-Law swimming off the western coast of Australia

   My tourette syndrome in under control untill I have to deal with DUMB A$S! stupid people who lack basic MOTHER FUNK1NG! common sense. SH1T! B1TCH!