father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

   a guy on Maury found out he was not the father and said "it dont take blood to be a daddy" but actually it does. all dads have to have blood

   I met my ex-girlfriend’s son today and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.

   I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.

   Take the name of your first pet and add the street that your first pet got ran over on to get your step father's Tinder name.

   A friend who just returned from a visit to the recently looted CVS in Baltimore said all that was left in the entire store was suntan lotion and Father's Day cards...

   With summer in full swing and Father's Day just 41 days away, CVS in Baltimore has all of your sunscreen and Father's Day card needs covered.

   Star Wars (1977) An epic tale of a pair of gay robots teamed up with incestous siblings to help them destry their father's midlife crisis toy.

   I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.

   It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.

   Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!

   What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.

   Happy Father's Day, Bruce Jenner!

   Happy Father's Day, God!

   Well I guess Caitlyn Jenner missed out on both Mother and Father's Day this year....

   Father's Day....the most confusing day in the ghetto.

   If you look in the mirror & say Candyman 3 times, my father will appear & tell you that you're getting fat.

   Women are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."

   A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.

   Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 35 years since my last confession, and I only ended up here because I thought it was the bathroom...Amen