Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   The problem with having so many followers is that simple jokes are now beneath me. Like your mother.

   She got her looks from her mother.....she was a plastic surgeon

   Hey status messages auto correct, stop tampering with my swear words, you mother forklift.

   HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - I was shopping for condoms and she asked if I knew how to use them.

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   My mom still hasn't gotten her Mother's Day card, the post office wasn't lying when they sold me the "forever" stamp.

   Define birthday :-the only day in your life.....when your mother smiled when you cried.

   Hello? Mother Nature? Yes I would like to cancel my monthly subscription...Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up? No I would not like to transfer to the 9 month plan....

   Omg I'm so hungry I could eat my ex wife's cooking while sitting at the table with my ex mother in law!

   My daughter told her mother that a kid in class showed her his peck*r. My wife flipped. My daughter said it reminded her of a peanut, so my wife asked her if it was small. My daughter said, "No, salty."

   "Knock knock." "Who's there?""Dave." "Dave who?" Dave holds back tears as he realises his mother's Alzheimer's is getting worse.

   My mother-in-law is a meteorologist. Well, not a meteorologist, but whatever it is called when you complain about the weather 6 times a day.

   My wife is taking my kids to go see the nut cracker this weekend. Of course I'm talking about my mother in law not the show.

   A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother

   Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me.

   Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes.

   Freudian slip; Where you say one thing, but mean your mother.

   Fellas: Make sure you always treat the women in your life with respect and dignity. From your grandmother, mother, sister to your girlfriend or wife, because a woman never forgets how you treat her.

   its been so windy lately, I think mother nature ate some bad Taco Bell.

   Many of the problems in Rick James's life could have been avoided if he could have taken Superfreak home to mother.