love Funny Status Messages

   If somebody doesn't text me back within 5 minutes I assume they don't love me or that they've died from loving me too much.

   She calls it "making love." I call it "trying to destroy her."

   Quit telling everyone how much you love Fall, you psychopath.

   The only thing more romantic than true love is getting hit by a train.

   Ok straight up, ladies. I love and respect all of you, but you all know how you can be when you're PMS'n. Do we really want a woman for president. I rest my case ! ! !

   Love corn mazes because they're a festive way to feel like you might never escape the hellish walls you're surrounded by.

   Live, laugh, love, dress up like a clown and wander around the woods at night.

   Honk if you Love Trump. Drive into a Tree if you Love Hillary.

   All I know about love I've learned from my dogs, which is when someone scratches your back you should roll over and show them your nipples.

   You used to be able to tell a finicky child his meal was made with love. Now they double check if it's gluten-free love.

   I drink to forget that I accidentally once said " I love you" when ending a call with a customer service rep.

   Love this time of year when I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display.

   "I love candles. What's with the knives? Wait, stop. Please stop!" - Pumpkin

   Would love to be British. Drinking my leaf water and staring at a huge clock from my red phone booth, adding extra letters to wourds.

   America: love it or leave it. L left.

   How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

   A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it.

   Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

   Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have s-e-x, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."

   After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a good time. Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and she thinks she's in love. Hillary said, "You didn't have sex, did you? Chelsea said, "Not according to Dad."