Funny Status Messages

   I saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beers you begin to see all kinds of things.

   It"s ok to pretend you're Irish on St. Patrick's Day. You pretend you're good on Christmas, don't you?

   Irish:Tabhair dom an rud céanna mar atá ag an fhear ar an t-úrlar! English:Give me the same as the man on the floor!

   Two generations that were unable to go to bed without their stuffed animals or blankies now feel the same way about their phones.

   just set my phone to flight mode and then threw it in the air, let's just say... WORST TRANSFORMER EVER.

   Roses are red, on St. Patricks were green, don't party too hard tonight, you are not Charlie Sheen!

   The Dentist is the only certified man to say to a woman: lay down, relax, open mouth, say ahh, and spit.

   Why do the associates at wal-mart never answer the phone..? ..i feel like I'm trying to dial through to a radio station to win tickets to a R. Kelly concert.

   NEVER trust a leprechaun who tells you that you can rub off a little “luck of the Irish”….the only happy ending will be his…..

   No one ever gives me a hand, but I often get a finger.

   I can't remember the last time I've enjoyed St. Patrick's Day....which means I'm doing it right!!

   "never on cilantro, but always on thyme."

   no green food for me this year! I get enough of that from my own fridge!

   Any time someone tells you they're "about 20 minutes away" they're lying... They haven't left yet.

   How have Hoarders and Antique Roadshow not joined forces yet?

   I always call out my boyfriend's name during sex..... Just to make sure he's not around.

   So technically you are not supposed to EAT meat on Fridays but is it okay to just swallow it?

   Food for thought Guys: If you teabag someone that is allergic to nuts, is that considered attempted murder

   Advice of the day for women: Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old… as long as you buy him a few drinks first. ;)

   As I took it to my lips to taste, my mouth was suddenly overflowing with a creamy filling, my tongue licking as much as I could as fast as I could… God, I love cream donuts