Funny Status Messages

   not saying that girl I was dancing with at the club was a skank,...but some Febreze and Jesus wouldn't hurt that girl at all!

   Damn girl your skinny! I rolled blunts fatter then you but you've been passed around more!

   sometimes, even the smallest apology will make me feel better; but most of the time, I think you're full of SH!T.

   be yourself...everyone else is taken

   I have better things to waste my life on then to put up with you, like updating this status!

   What's on my mind? *insert sarcastic third party rant here*

   Here's to our wives and girlfriends: May they never meet!

   Happy St. Patrick's Day: May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. Cheers

   Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes... That's the Irish for You!

   thinks his GPS has dyslexia....I typed in "Macy's" and it took me to the YMCA!

   it just me or does Pink's new hair do make her look like Mo Howard?

   Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

   Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet

   And how come there's never a garage actually for sale at all those garage sales?

   I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

   See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil

   The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

   You're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there

   There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don't tell people everything you know

   BIGAMIST --- A heavy fog in Italy