Funny Status Messages

   Charlie Sheen is now suing the tsunami that hit Japan for replacing him as the biggest disaster on TV.

   doesn't believe in superstition. It brings bad luck

   Not every retard can read, but look at you having a go!

   You take care of ME, I take care of YOU! - Mother Earth

   “How depressing, it's so cold and grey,” said The Bride, looking out the window. “Well, it is March, it comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb,” I replied, coming up next to her. It was then I noticed the dead elephant lying in our front

   Why does facebook have an option for "In a relationship, but it's complicated"? Are any relationships easy?

   I belong to a gym...let me rephrase that, I don't belong there. but I go anyway....

   Thinks Justin Biebers new haircut makes her look too mature! slow down girl, you got plenty of time to blossom into a woman!

   I didn't slap you...I just high-fived your face :)

   I am not defined by my past. I am prepared by it.

   We do it on the bed,on the kitchen counter,on the floor and in the backseat of a car.Gosh...we text EVERYWHERE!

   n't that normal?? Doesn't everyone pee in the shower?

   Hey Japan whats shakin?, ..Too soon?

   I'm only going to waste 23 hours tomorrow.

   needing a triple shot of that juice!

   Roses are red, your panties are moist. I'd take you to bed but I don't have a hoist.

   Scientists now can grow a urethra with seed cells from a boy's bladder; before using urinary parts from pigs' bladders caused patients to "go wee wee wee all the way home."

   last night I prayed for the Lord to stop me from going bald, and to regrow hair. This morning I woke up with a 6 inch hair growing out my ear. Well played Lord, Well played

   I used to spend anywhere between $90-$200 on ed hardy shirts..now I use them as rags to clean my car... smh

   who ever said that it takes two to fight never seen the crackhead at 7-11 yelling at the wall I love niagara falls