Funny Status Messages

   On the bus today I was sitting across from a really beautiful girl and I kept thinking to myself, "..please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection" ......................... but she did

   C.L.A.S.S. -Come Late And Start Socializing

   Don't you love when people tell you 'don't tell anyone' the next day, after you told people.

   FYI, strawberry shampoo does not taste like strawberrys

   Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don't even know it.

   My fake plants died, because I did not pretend to water them

   How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren't even trying.

   I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

   Dont smoke... there are cooler ways to die.

   Grammar are our friend.

   Stretch before sex , lots of people get hurt like that.

   Why didn't they just kill Gilligan on Gilligan's Island? If he hadn't screwed crap up, they could've been off that damn island years before. And what's with Skipper? You don't get that fat eating coconuts. That fat ba$tard is hiding something.

   I'm not sure what I find more disturbing, my mum being so adamant that my sister's a lesbian, or my dad winking while he says, "She's not, son......Trust me!"

   Just asked my barber for a Justin Bieber haircut... The f*cking idiot just shaved my pubes off.

   White Chocolate Milk. Tell me your mind wasn't blown just now...

   What could possibly possess a parent to start a Facebook page for their 2yr. old? What would they (the child) do on here... Swap naptime stories, snack recipes and gossip about the playground with their Day Care buddies??

   The word OK looks like a sideways person. I've said OK my whole life and never noticed him. What's up little guy?

   If you were stranded on a deserted island with only a solar powered cd player, and a bieber cd........ how would you kill yourself?

   Lady Gaga went to the VMA's dressed as meat, now she went to the Grammy's in a egg. Two more red carpets and she will be a Denny's Grand Slam

   Whenever I exit a public toilet... I make sweaty eye contact with the person waiting and say “Top that, cowboy.”