Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   That feeling when your ex reappears as a single mother with a child, and you immediately start doing the math.

   Some things should not be abbreviated like Save The Dates (STD) or Future Mother in Law (FML)

   Was anyone else hoping that the final Oprah show would include wearing tracksuits, taking poison and waiting for the mother ship to appear?

   Marriage tip #392: Don't ever, ever start an argument with your wife with "Your f**kin' mother"......

   POLLEN: Mother Natures hangover.

   Where would I be without my mother? Probably in the middle of traffic, without my jacket on, talking to some stranger.

   Dear Mother in Law , pls don't teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours and he sure needs a lot of improvement ;)

   An Amber Alert has been issued for a tall, African American 26 yr. old who goes by the name of LeBron James. He keeps disappearing for the 4th quarter of the NBA Final games. If seen, please call his mother, Gloria, or her boyfriend, Delonte.

   Somewhere right now in the hood, someone is yelling "Domino Mother F**ker!"

   My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."

   ‎"I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me." Mother Teresa

   The best medicine in the world is a mother's hug

   ... And if you're taking your girlfriend out tonight, You better park the car well out of sight... Cause if they catch you in the back seat Trying to pick her locks, They're gonna send you back to mother In a cardboard box... You better run..."

   3 dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks.To be as rich as his child believes.To have as many women as his wife suspects

   Angry husband is not satisfied with his wife & sends an sms to his Mother in law. Your product is not matching my requirements. Smart Mother in law replys - Warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible after seal is broken.

   I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay, the mice throw themselves on the traps.

   My mother called Information. While I'm sitting here with my laptop, she called Information. Even the Amish dont call information anymore

   USA - "Dad can I borrow a few trillion dollars?" England - "...Ask your mother" China - "Hell no I'm not giving you any money!! You'll just let your government friends waste it all on gambling.

   my mother never understood the irony in calling me a "son-of-a-b*tch"

   Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, but he never called his wife or mother because they were both deaf... which would actually make him the original inventor of the 'booty call' as well.