Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   99 bottles of beer on the wall. 99 bottles of beer. Take them all down skip the dam song, drink em all at once with a beer bong.

   newest kill off of wildlife to hit the news. 2.5 million eagles fans just dropped outta the playoffs

   - Today's word of the day is "Legs". Now let's go back to my place and spread the word.

   a fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it did half the time.

   Sometimes I feel like kicking you in the face....but then again WHY should I help improve your looks?

   wonders how a fine is justified as a predetermined tax for doing something wrong, and yet taxation is accepted as a fine for doing well?

   I went to Lowe's with a bucket of Legos and asked the manager if we could build something together. She threw me out.

   Life is a waste of time, Time is a waste of life. So, get wasted all the time and have the time of ur life ;)

   I've always been taught to be patient, but now I'm worried that I'm just encouraging idiots to waste people's time.

   after hearing about the world coming to an end soon I feel that it is my duty to warn you all as friends that when the zombies are chasing....i will trip you !

   what with all this god stuff, Stop it . Get a life you must be a myspace person.

   when I was a kid the "parental control" button was a belt.

   Arkansas forecast for tomorrow ...3 inches of birds

   Derek Rowe Lease just signed... Movin away from the old meth and crack heads next to some nice occasional cocaine users..

   Huh, as a child I hated to get spanked with a belt and it made me cry. Yet as an adult I enjoy it and it makes me smile. Go figure.

   I'm sorry miss, but if you didn't want your melons squeezed than you shouldn't work in produce section.

   BBC News: David and Victoria Beckham expecting fourth child. Oh wait, no, she's just eaten an apple.

   Weather Warning for Glendale, AZ tonight: Reigning Ducks........

   If you need a Facebook application to tell you what cereal you are, I'll save you the suspense... you're a Fruit Loop

   Starting my new excercise routine- I am tired of looking like I have two sets of breasts.