life Funny Status Messages

   A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherf*cker.

   see ladies, it's easy to get ahead in life. Just marry a surgeon and screw a General...

   When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail.

   sippin' my coffee in peace and quiet!! Life is good :)

   When life gives you lemons, get some Tequila and call me

   All my life I thought air was free.... until I bought a bag of potato chips

   The biggest mistake of my life is that I said yes, when I meant to say no.

   I asked my wife for advice once. Worst three days of my life.

   The best moves in life are made in silence. Don't talk about it. Just do it and let them talk about it. Failure talks. Success walks.

   The only thing better than living a mundane, boring life is writing about it on the internet.

   I live mosy of my life on the edge... Cause my fat ass girlfriend takes up most of the bed and couch.

   My life coach just told me to fake an injury

   Don't worry, some people are their own punishment in life.

   My life's one long beer commercial.

   I've reached an age in my life where "you shouldn't say that.." turns into "what the hell, let's see what happens..."

   When life throws ten problems at you, it also gives you a hundred reasons to be thankful. Give thanks to God! Have a very happy and safe Thanksgiving!

   My life coach advised me to run out the clock.

   I think if I ever win the lottery I'm gonna get all my ex girlfriends incorporated into a life size whack-a-mole game.

   I'm that guy that carries a boombox on his shoulder at funerals with "Circle of Life" ready to play in case a pregnant woman gives birth.

   Of all the lies I've told in my life, "just kidding" is probably my favorite..