Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wouldn't call Hugh Hefner a cradle robber as much as I would call his 24-year-old fiancée, Crystal Harris, a grave robber.

   I wonder if that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?"

   Parking in the "Expecting Mother" parking spot wasn't a mistake. I'm expecting yours.

   I've been watching movies all wrong. Apparently, you're supposed to guess out loud what's going to happen next.

   I don't have anything against your religion, as long as you don't come knocking on my door to tell me about it.

   Your igloo or mine?

   I think I am going to make my own beer. I'll call it Responsibly, that way competitors will do all my advertising. Please drink Responsibly!

   Confucius Say...Women who wear Wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.

   they should change the name of Rock Band to 'Drunken Family karaoke Failure'

   Next time you feel a sneeze coming on, yell out "PIKA!" right before the sneeze

   Look at your status. Now back to mine. Now back to yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down. Back up. Where are you? You're on F

   Snow Tip: The other people out shoveling are called "neighbors." They are like Facebook friends who live nearby.

   I have hit the level of FB addiction that, when determining the successfulness of my day, I factor in how many 'likes' I got on my posts. Yesterday was 93. That's one I'll tell the grandchildren about some day. :-)

   I am so against picketing, I just don't know how to show it

   If Facebook and porn were made illegal, it would free up a good 10 hours of my life every day

   I can't recall one time in my entire life that I've answered a phone call from a "restricted" number and then said, "Wow, I'm glad I answered that"

   placing myself in "TIME OUT" until I am able to play nice with others! Until then, don't piss me off because I have nothing to lose being in Time Out already!"

   unscrewing a bottle of his favorite wine...Chateau Libido! ;)

   Call from telemarker with a hot sexy voice = No need for internet porn today!

   I would have to disagree... I don't believe a witches tit is this cold....