love Funny Status Messages

   My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it's cause I'm afraid she might try to poison me.

   To this day it still upsets me that all of those times that Forest Gump was separated from his true love, he never ONCE thought to pick up a phone and dial 867-5309.......

   I've lost love, money, and my mind on occasion, I don't care. But It would kill me if I lost the ability to laugh at myself.

   You can't buy a woman's love, but you can buy a human heart... Seriously, go look on Craigslist.

   Love is a two way street, but sometimes there's a car flipped over blocking both lanes of traffic.

   Pro tip:When women want to be held, hold em When they're sad, love em When they're drunk, try for butthole. It's easier when they're drunk

   Love is like writing your name on the beach’s sand. Eventually, the waves will wash it all away until nothing’s left.

   Loving someone who doesn’t love you back isn’t as bad as trying to eat something immediately after brushing your teeth.

   Maybe if you really love them you won't put them to the ultimate test of seeing just how much of your bullsh*t they can actually put up with

   If you love someone, make them guess how you feel about them until they get tired and move on to someone else.

   Love you unconditionally? Hmmm, no I have some conditions.

   Yes, I said I love you, but I meant it in the drunk kind of way.

   Dear ladies, We love when you play with our balls and not our minds.

   Neighbor - n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

   Love seeing life through the eyes of a child. So I made the nephew a helmet-cam and let him take a spin in the dryer.

   Getting a neck tattoo is probably the coolest way to show your love for manual labour.

   If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back, send them all their stuff they left at your place.

   If you love someone, set her free. If she doesn't come back, start dating her best friend.

   If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back.....sell all their crap on Craigslist.

   If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back, stalk them.