life Funny Status Messages

   Leon: Mathilda, nothing's the same after you've killed someone. Your life is changed forever. You have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life..

   Does it count as saving someone's life if you just refrain from killing them?

   If she really loves her cat, then that's who's making the most important decisions in her life.

   I want a Life Alert necklace,,,, but instead of calling an ambulance it orders me a pizza

   My whole life flashes in front of me when I hear the words ‘We need to talk'.

   Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life has never experienced two candy bars falling down at the same time from a vending machine!!!!

   You look like you would ruin my life. Let's have sex. -women

   It took me 20 years to figure out that pop tarts taste better in the toaster. It was truly a life changing experience.

   Sooner or later you will see the BIG PICTURE God is painting for your life instead of just the colors He's using at the moment so dont get your panties all up in a knot

   Cant Help Eavesdropping to a Group of Senior Citizens as they Reminisce their College Life... Funny and Disgusting at the same time..

   Marry the person who makes you forget about Facebook and thank them for saving your life.

   Does this hot water bottle and 12 cats in my bed make me look like I've given up on life?

   At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.

   Life is way too short to have matching socks.

   When I come back in the next life, I would like to come back as a bathroom mirror in a house full of hot women.

   If they were to make a porn on my life, It would be fully clothed people apologizing to each other.

   Me: I'm happy right now. Life: lol one sec

   Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last as long for fat people!

   ......Update status, nobody likes?...... -_- (1) Deletes Facebook profile (2) Move to a next country (3) Change name (4) Start new life =)

   I'm so lazy, I don't walk away from the troubles in my life, I just go to sleep.