Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.

   thinks that if you see someone healthy parking in a handicapped zone, when they exit their car, you should be able to make an honest person out of them!

   it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...no money, pretty stressed, freezing cold and running nose!

   It's too bad you don't get any sexual satisfaction out of being screwed over all the time. I would be set for life!!!

   who else wakes up in the morning and checks their Facebook like its the morning newspaper??

   So many fun things to say.....too many relatives on Facebook to post!!

   How many people have gone to bed so angry with someone you've pretended to have a nightmare , just so you can roll over and punch them in the head??

   wishes there was an app that let you reach threw the computer and slap people..

   The only instant messaging I do is with my middle finger.

   Whew!!.. just in time ... I got all my Christmas shopping done with one fell swoop... I hope everyone enjoys their Netflicks trial offers :)

   Hmm, I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque....

   I'd think getting a parking spot at the Special Olympics would be tough unless you got there really early

   Ever notice that one buddy that always seems to tell others to "take one for the team" has in fact never taken one for the team?

   everyone getting excited? Only 337 days until Thanksgiving.

   tree up☑ cookies for Santa☑ Surface to Air Missile Systems all set up on my roof and ready☑>:) I wonder what Venison taste like?

   Mystery: why black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars.

   Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go their way.

   too many people buy stuff they don't want, with money they don't have, to impress people they don't like

   If your birthstone is gravel, you might be a redneck.

   drawing graffiti on his wall "▄█▀ █▬█ █ ▀█▀". What do you think?