Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 599 of 6385
Their is nothing worse that realizing the vacation you planned is going to be the same week as her period.
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07-10-2012 21:56 by BEGO
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☑Hockey mask ☑Machete ☑Sexually-irresponsible campers Let's roll...
gonna make a Twitter account called "that creepy guy in the white van" and follow everyone.
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11-17-2011 02:36 by thatman
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Gentlemen, for the next 2-3 weeks the best pick up line at any bar is, "What's Call of Duty?" You can thank me at the bachelor party.
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11-17-2011 22:29 by g0re
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I don't know what I'd do without you guys but I bet it would be something productive.
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11-30-2011 16:08
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At the end of job interviews I always ask, "On a scale of 8-10, how amazing was I?"
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12-15-2011 03:57
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From the way you did your make up, I can tell how much you miss kindergarten coloring books.
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12-19-2011 03:12
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Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!
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12-23-2011 13:56
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the only bad thing about having a great status comment....you dont get the credit...lol but you get the likes.
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01-10-2012 16:18 by jitney
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People who go to the liquor store and buy a pint of whiskey are poor planners… what are you going to drink tomorrow?
A heads up to girls on Facebook .. if your status says "single" and your profile picture is you with your cat - Well then that is why
Sometimes the Birthday reminders on facebook remind me of the friends.i need to delete
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01-24-2012 03:52 by Tsparks
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Thirty five people died from eating cantaloupe in Jan. And that,, right there, should be this years new slogan for Krispy Kreme.
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03-05-2012 20:50 by snotty
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I have a memory foam mattress... I really hope it doesn't remember everything.
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03-06-2012 13:06
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70% of my enemies were once my friends.
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03-13-2012 12:41
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The older you get, the harder it gets to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you.
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03-19-2012 19:43 by flinnie
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So the Chantix commercial says to call your doctor immediately if you experience a siezure...Is it just me or would it be pretty difficult to pick up the phone and dial while shaking violently?
Debt doesn't buy happiness either.
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12-19-2014 00:05
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a show called the view shouldn't hurt your eyes
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01-15-2015 18:35
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I'm at my most badass when I'm popping a wheelie with a shopping cart.
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02-09-2015 08:12
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