Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 552 of 6385
Female mannequins create unrealistic portrayals of women....mostly because the mannequins don't talk.
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08-20-2016 20:42
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Been watching my neighbor through the blinds, he's so creepy....
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09-18-2016 04:36
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No Nancy, I can't come to your essential oils party. I have to organize my liquor cabinet.
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10-09-2016 04:18
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Peoples whose sliding closet doors never come off their tracks, what do you do with the rest of your dark magic?
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10-09-2016 04:22
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You know you're getting old when every time you are near a bathroom you think, "I might as well pee while I'm here"
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10-15-2016 05:49
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HA ... The Government says that 93 Million people are out of work but yet say that Unemployment is only at 5% ..... The total population of the US is 325 Million so I guess they're using Common Core Math to arrive at that result.
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10-24-2016 23:42
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Instead of paying for a haunted house this year I'm just making the kids clean out the refrigerator.
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10-27-2016 05:29
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OK folks ... I have been working to unify relativity and quantum mechanics into a single unified theory of life the universe and everything........ So far I have discovered that beer is good.
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10-27-2016 23:00
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Its pretty cool how when you ask yoursefl, "What's the worst that can happen?" Life stops what its doing as is like, "Here, let me show you"
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05-08-2015 09:18
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Let's see if there are an emotionally stable women tonight on The Bachelor. Nope, not tonight.
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02-08-2016 20:06
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Pro tip for the ladies: If you're taking a mirror selfie, look at the mirror not your camera...
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02-19-2016 13:53
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That weird moment when you're at a friend's house and they're getting yelled at, so you just stand there and pet the dog....
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02-19-2016 18:16
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I don't know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
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02-24-2016 03:35
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I could be wrong but I think Kanye West is on the verge of having a Britney 2007 meltdown.
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02-24-2016 03:42
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I have alot of good personality traits,,,,, I just don't happen to have them on me at the moment.
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02-26-2016 23:14 by Snotty
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This is your captain speaking,,, Please fasten your seat belts,,, The Boeing 737 in the gate beside us looks like it wants to race.
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03-11-2016 19:32 by snotty
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I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
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04-15-2016 05:16
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I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words. “Are you holding that ladder properly?”
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05-02-2016 06:36
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Alex, I'll take 'same sh*t, different day' for $800.00, please.
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05-03-2016 10:43
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Tips on How to fall down the stairs.....Step 1, then Step 2... Step 5 Step 9 Step 12 Finally the Floor
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06-06-2016 00:39 by jitney
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