Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 512 of 6385
I whip my hair back and forth is probably the most depressing song for bald people
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02-12-2011 08:04
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FOR SALE: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.
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02-25-2011 21:46 by Laura
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Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How'd that work out for him?
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02-27-2011 17:43
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If time is money, then I'm running out of time very quickly
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03-12-2011 20:45 by scottyp
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Smile. It's easier than explaining why you're sad.
I'm looking for the "It's Complicated" box to check off on this tax form.
Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
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08-05-2011 23:04 by flinnie
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I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
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08-16-2011 16:45 by BAD GUY
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I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I'd rather SH!T in my hands and clap!"
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05-03-2011 02:51 by Seddy90
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If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.
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05-11-2011 22:22 by jdpower
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Twitter: What's happening? Facebook: What are you thinking? MySpace: Where is everybody?!
it's not that I'm bad at remembering names, I'm just awesome at forgetting them.
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05-19-2011 12:37 by Downey
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Realistically most adults only need to know enough math to cheat the government once a year.
I can't stand it when people won't speak a little louder when I'm trying to eavesdrop on them. You people are selfish.
I just got back from my high school reunion. OK... actually, I logged into Facebook... but same thing.
Try to change your perspective. Instead of thinking, "I'm still unemployed," think "This is the longest vacation ever!"
I use to say “That's How I Roll” until I fell down a hillside. It was much different than I imagined. Now I say: That's how I scream & bounce.
Pregnant women look so happy. It's like they don't even know what's going to happen.
Anyone who says you can't judge a book by its cover hasn't seen the cover of “The Big Book of Huge Breasts”.
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09-13-2012 06:29 by Huck
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"You are so rude!" moaned my wife. "The whole time I was talking you were yawning!" "I was not yawning. I was trying to say something."
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09-19-2012 21:19
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