Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Bad breath + Bad body odor = Undateable

   That rather uneasy moment when Jesus comes back to Earth, but everyone moved to Mars.

   and they have been telling me for years, salad was good for me, well f'ck that i'm sticking to chips.

   If you aren't going to neuter your male dog then please make him wear underwear. I don't wanna see his junk anymore than I wanna see your's.

   What goes around comes around. That's what people say. So all the pain you caused me will come back to you someday.

   The best part of waking up...isBUDLIGHT in your cup!

   The Pilgrims were refugees and the Native Americans took them in, fed them and helped them, don't ever forget

   Fact: an Owl's head can rotate up to 840°, before it comes off in your hand.

   If Donald Trump shot himself would his poll numbers shoot up?

   Real men who care for, cherish and love a woman faithfully, deserve the butthole at least once..

   Why do baby clothes have pockets? What do they need them for..baby wallets?

   What happens when you pepper spray a German? He can Nazi.

   BOP IT! TWIST IT! PULL IT! ..... And that's how I lost my pen1s.

   Santa knocked on my door yelling "Ho, Ho, Ho!" and I told him that your girlfriend doesn't live here.

   Can someone please update my Facebook status for me. I had ravioli for dinner.

   If Phil Collins doesn't sing 'Coming in the HAIR tonight' as he jizzes in a girl's face, then why is he even bothering to be Phil Collins?

   Tagged Photos-Rule #1: The hottest girl in the pic is the one not tagged.

   X What does a Cowboys fan do after his team wins A Play-Off Game?....He turns off Madden and goes to bed

   It is not appropriate to refer to Kwanzaa as "Blanukkah" or "Black Hanukkah". Please make the necessary corrections in your conversations.

   Went marchin' outside, singin' God Bless Merica. Saluted and yelled, "Remember Pearl Harbor. Suck it Japanland. These colors don't run."