Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you expect me stop dreaming...I'd give up. If you expect me to give up...I'd stop dreaming. ;-)

   "We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage."

   Can't wait for Valentines Day so I can get that pre-printed card, written by someone else, and a stale box of chocolates because Hallmark is telling him to do it! How romantic!

   I've told you for the fifty-thousandth time, stop exagerating!

   you aren't as good as the rest of em till you beat the best of em

   the last thing you'll ever do is die..... It's true, just wait and see

   How do I set my Lazer Printer to Stun?

   thinks a religious war compares to 2 kids having an arguement who got the toughest imaginary friend

   As I was listening to myself sneeze, I realized it sounds like "eh choo" not "ah choo" so maybe my sneeze is Canadian?

   Riding through the aisles of Walmart on a scooter from the toy section wearing some Cookie Monster Tighty Whities, rainbow striped thigh high socks, wearing a construction hat and screaming FREE WILLIE while knocking over everything in site until loss pre

   at the nail salon & a lady working there asked me something. I couldn't understand, so I asked my nail tech to tell her that. He turns and said to her, "She stupid, she no understand". thx a lot nail tech..no tip for you! ha

   Sometimes I just gotta take a ride on the Dude Train

   it takes six licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop! (with a slight crunch)

   every time I utilize paper towels regardless of the brand I always compare them to the quicker picker upper..

   ~ Telepath wanted...you know where to apply.

   puts the "fun" in dysfunctional

   All castles had one major weakness. The enemy used to get in through the gift shop.

   Ctrl + C ... Plagiarism Simplified

   The cops found a missing person with nappy hair, crusty feet, doo-doo stained undies, holding a Happy Meal bag. I'm worried SICK... are you okay?

   Wishing the King a happy 76th Birthday, where ever he is.....