Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I can think of 14 tweets about cat buttholes but I don't want you to think I'm insane or anything. 
Laughter burns calories.
this is the earliest I've ever been late...
I lose interest in books and movies that take place in the past because, hello, I know I turn out just fine.
PSA: Red Bull does NOT give you actual wings. It gives you the false sense of wings. I learned this the hard way today. Luckily the frozen ground broke my fall.
the proud sponsor of this "I don't give a f**k" expression I currently have whilst you complain about everything!
The one time I wish my phone would cut off a day before Valentine's Day, Sprint decides to call me and give me an extra 7 days to make a payment..........(-_-)yeesh
APPY MARDI GRAS! May your every slice of King cake have a little bitty baby in it, may your good times roll and may your parade be never ending. Now where are my beads???
Yes girl, you are all that AND a bad case of V.D. get over yourself!
You do. And you know that you do. So Stop acting like you don't. Because you do.
I never understood what liking large asses had to do with being fallacious, but who am I to question the genius of a knighted rapper.
Guys note: When a woman offers to help you paint your bedroom ceiling, she means butterflies and flowers using Dutch Boy and a brush.
Some people are jus born awesome.
Say a prayer for Sparky, I just ate Taco Bell.
We just Brexited Earth
Wtf? I like something and the site reverts back to page 1!
The only real model we have for a trump presidency is the movie "first kid"
I never cared to look for Waldo. . .
NOTICE: To the people who have flashing blue and red Christmas lights in their yard.....can you remove them, please? Every time I pass by, I think it is the cops and I have to remove my foot from the gas, slam on the brakes, put my seatbelt on, throw my p
when couples get married they should be required to each give up 1 sock & put them together to make a pair of socks....later on if they divorce they get their sock back. "Master has given me a sock. I am free" 