Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Goodbye M.J... you touched everyone in all generations in some manner. Mind you, touching the kids WAS innaproprate though...

   R.I.P Mandela excuse me while I take this selfie at your funeral---Obama

   Jesus had two dads and he seemed to turn on just fine.

   "insert clever remark here."

   There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space and silence

   about to beat my di@# like it owes me money.

   Roman Catholic establishment has 1.2billion followers or as I like to call them, sheep.

   The only time a girl should Kneel down for a guy, is the day she ties her son's shoe-laces.

   What is it with the color, black, that makes you think of hard-core violence?

   To translate Trump at the next debate,, the sign language specialist will just beat up a poor pregnant mexican woman .

   I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s

   can’t wait to put “fully vaccinated” on my dating profiles like an adoptable dog.

   Oh shut up. You weren't even offended by the word deplorable until you looked it up.

   I started a new drinking game. I drink a shot everytime Trump tells the truth. I've been sober for 2 years now.

   Trump is trying to stop Yates from testifying because the only thing he hates more than strong women are strong women who tell the truth.

   Electrolux - Teaching women their place for over 50 years

   I bought an anti bullying wrist band today...I say bought I actually stole it of a fat ginger kid

   Did anyone else see Gary Busey get married this morning?

   My neighbor must have not paid her internet bill. I can't get on the internet.

   Just saw a holstein on a church lawn....holy cow!