Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's more unattractive to me than a woman who smokes? One who destroys her body with countless tattoos and piercings. Seriously, just stop. It's not sexy.

   Santa is a Democrat: 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   Sarah Palin should also blame Obama for her daughter getting pregnant *sarcasm * Well her daughter is harder to pull out of than Iraq.

   wonders if that Luge sled was designed by Toyota.

   Congratulations to Michael Jackson on 4 years of sobriety!

   R.I.P. to all my ex's.. The funeral will be held at "Never Again Christian Church" On the corner of "I'm done Road" & "F*ck you Avenue"

   making a career of this.

   perfecting secretly sleeping at my desk.

   back to the future

   I hate it when people don't let me sleep, especially when I'm driving

   I filled up my car and it showed up on my credit report.

   DAMN!! Obamaphones sure are getting one serious workout these last two nights in Ferguson!!

   Dec. 4 1079 it was 91 deg. Was it Global Waring then too?

   Hey Green Bay I bet your having a lot of W(H)INE with your cheese tonight.

   I feel so blessed that the government protects my family and I from the dangers of gay marriage so we can safely go buy some assault weapons

   You can be gay, you can marry, I don't care about any of that. But just stop it with the "I was born that way" $hit!

   a man donates blood to his girlfriend. they break up. he says he wants his blood back. she throws a tampon at him and yells 'I'll pay you monthly!!'

   faking the smile with the coffee to go

   the weapon of choice.

   If you add me as your friend and I ignore you.....Do move on it's just facebook. Don't change your name and profile picture and add me again! The request will still be ignored! I still know it's you!