Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pro Tip# 101: If someone asks you if you "have a sec" and you answer "I have lots of secs", they will almost always forget their original question...

   Things that make you go hmmmm: If Harry Potter's so magical, why can't he cure his own eyesight?

   Then God made saturn. God liked saturn so he put a ring on it.

   The problem with finding out who your real friends are, is finding out who your real friends aren't

   I'm one of those people that tried this at home.

   "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." George W. Bush

   I see Boomerangs are making a comeback

   I am anxious about how much Xanax I'm taking.

   Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired

   A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

   "Heaven is where the Police are British, the Chefs are French, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

   congratulates Chris CMac on discovering his stream of consciousness - lame Chris but at least you're thinking

   One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

   My buddy Jim has an impressive New Year's resolution. No more sex, no beer, no football, no nights out with the guys and no looking at other women. He's getting married tonight!!

   Note to self: Next time I'm sleepy or feel tired @ work...bring some habañero peppers to munch on.

   thinks that the older I get , the more young people look the same...That, or Justin Bieber just delivered my nespaper.

   "Diamonds are forever. But so is herpes." This is why I never get hired to write advertising campaigns.

   never playing truth or dare again...

   Jethro Leroy Gibbs>The President address

   Happy and Safe New Year and Enjoy a Wonderful 2010 ~ Worry Less and Relax More ~